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Achieve, Heal and Discover

Befriending Monsters, Being Disliked, My Gurl- AHD Issue #23

Published about 1 month ago • 2 min read

Achieve, Heal and Discover Issue #23

A biweekly newsletter for dreamers, builders and creators to achieve (get things done), heal (fix what’s broken) and discover (learn something new).​


Achieve: Dancing with Monsters

​Troubles, pains and sorrows are monsters that we must all fight.

“Dancing with monsters” is the art of surviving the things we are not ready to overcome.

Here is one strategy from my recent article “Dancing with Monsters” to help you navigate the threats that are intent on keeping you productively stagnant.

What these monsters look like: procrastination, distraction, overwhelm and disappointment.

What NOT to do:

  • Avoid them
  • Fight through the feeling and get things done

What to do: Don’t see these monsters as reversible diseases. Rather, they are dance partners that are trying to highlight your current cadence and rhythm. Notice the rhythm. Take the cue. Dance with these monsters by asking the following questions:

  • Why is this task important to me?
  • What am I missing that this negative emotions is trying to tell me?
  • What is the next right choice I can make to meet my need?

Result: You will get things done with more self-compassion and awareness


Heal: Courage to be Disliked

I just finished reading, "The Courage to be Disliked" by Ichiro Kishimi and Fumitake Koga.

This book pissed me off.

Which is exactly why I had to finish it. It offered insights that felt counterintuitive. The book confounded everything I know about the therapeutic process. Though it was a pain to read, the hurt was good. I learned a lot.

Here are two thoughts that made me better:

  1. Perhaps my dysfunctional thinking and behavior isn't a product of my past or context but a subconscious effort to stay in control of how I want to see myself.
    My Take Away: Consider what I want to change about who I am before changing what I do.
  2. All problems are relational. In other words, when there is an error in my thinking or behavior it goes back to an inaccurate sight of myself within my relational context (me VS siblings/mother/friends/authority, etc).
    My Take Away: I could be much happier if I learned to be ok with being disliked by others.

Discover: Bragging on my Gurl

First allow me to say that my wife is one of the coolest people I know. I actually feel bad for people who are not friends with her. They are missing out!

Over the last year, I’ve witnessed her dedicate free moments, nights and weekends towards writing her first book. Months of writing groups, rewrites and beta reader feedback later and she has begun finalizing her debut women’s fiction novel: “In the Ruins”

Recently, her book was selected as a finalist for the Reese Witherspoon Book Club LitUP Fellowship.

I’m in awe!

Follow her journey with me!

Get snippets from her book and updates here: www.ntebogeng.com

I’m grateful for you!

Edvardo Archer


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Achieve, Heal and Discover

by Edvardo Archer

A biweekly newsletter for dreamers, builders and creators to achieve (get things done), heal (fix what’s broken) and discover (learn something new). I am a licensed clinician, purposefully provoking security in others.

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